


If I was perfect

by Bow_woahh



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Catra and Adora become parents, Depression, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Tumblr Prompt, catradora, mom's!Catradora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 03:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17890796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow_woahh/pseuds/Bow_woahh
Summary: Call it a coincidence, but just as Adora said the word “baby” (for the second time actually), Catra had choked on her own saliva.How had children not crossed her mind before?





	If I was perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh! Hi! I've been pretty silent which I'm sorry for, and this should have been written weeks ago but jeeez has school been kicking my ass.
> 
> This isn't my best work, but it's something, and if there are any mistakes, feel free to correct me in the comments lol.

 

Adora and Catra had been happily married for a couple months now. They had slipped into a comfortable, yet flexible routine, that not only allowed them to spend a sufficient amount of time together after work, but also one that meant they were also able to see their other friends too.

 

They lived in a comfortable, two bedroom flat in a fairly nice area of Bright Moon. One room was simply used as an office space. However the other (their bedroom) was a decent sized room with two small oak wardrobes, a _horse_ painting, a large oak made mirror, and it was painted a forest green on two walls and creamy white on the others. It had a king sized bed, and the sheets were also adhering to the theme. Adora had obviously chosen most, if not all of it. It had annoyed Catra a little, but she got to design the office according to her style as a compromise. It was hardly true interior design. All she really did was plaster band posters to the wall and put a mini fridge in the corner of the room.

 

Surprisingly to most, the two barely had arguments or fights (though before they did constantly) unless it was about Catra drinking all the milk, and they made enough money to afford rent, food, warmth and a couple of luxuries.

 

Seemed like the picture _perfect_ life.

If it weren't for the fact it was Adora and Catra.

 

They both still had their own issues - Adora having to deal with her depression and PTSD from being in a car crash which led to her mother's death. And Catra having to deal with her anxiety and her experiences thanks to the carer she called 'Shadow Weaver'.

 

Both saw therapists.

But they both talked about it often to each other. And it always eased the pain. The two felt it was easier to function when they had each other.

 

If Adora was having a bit of a downward spiral she'd always call Catra.

 

And if Catra was having a panic attack she'd always call Adora.

 

They were so used to each other, so comfortable, maybe _too_ comfortable, and while that wasn't a bad thing, Adora never liked being in her comfort zone for too long.

 

It's not like they hadn't mentioned having kids before. Though it was always presented as a joke, or was just a fleeting comment.

 

Then, out of nowhere after an evening of passionate love making, Adora had brought it up, breath still a little heavy and eyes fixed on the ceiling, to her sleepy, sated wife.

 

“Hey Catra…” Adora whispered, looking up at the dimly lit light bulb.

 

Catra made an muffled sound that resembled a 'what’ into Adora's neck, before pressing her lips softly against her skin, arm wrapped around her bare waist.

 

“What if...what if we had a baby?”

 

“Hmm?” Catra was still occupied by Adora's neck.

 

Adora lightly scratched her ear, careful not to erupt a purr by doing so too much.

 

Catra groaned into her neck, lifting her head as if in agony. Her half lidded eyes met Adora's, who's were wide open, anxious to repeat the sentence that had took so much courage to say the first time.

 

“Well I just thought, what if we, um, had a, you know, a...baby? Like, our own kid?”

 

Call it a coincidence, but just as Adora said the word “baby” (for the _second_ time actually), Catra had choked on her own saliva, having a mini coughing fit while Adora rubbed her back, concerned.

 

Finally, the coughing subsided, and Catra sat up, looking down at Adora, completely neglecting what _that_ reaction was.

 

“You mean...like _a child?_ ”

 

“Yeah, like, _a child_ …”

 

Catra's face flushed, and her mind started racing.

 

What was she supposed to say to that?

She couldn't be a mother.

She could _barely_ look after herself.

Why would Adora want a child with _her_?

 

“Catra?”

 

She was brought back to reality again, which was that her wife had basically just asked her if they should have children, right after having sex.

 

“Huh? Yeah, wait- no, I mean, I dunno, maybe- I need to go to the bathroom.” Catra got up promptly, not bothering to cover up her bareness. With each step her breathing grew heavier, and her moves became more frantic. Catra shut the bathroom door, sitting on the edge of the bath, trying to calm herself down.

 

Then she realised she was shivering, and still naked, so she decided to put a robe on, and splash her face with cold water in an attempt to revert back to the _regular_ Catra. The cool, calm and collected Catra.

 

Not _this_ mess.

 

The sudden knock at the door made her jump.

 

Adora knew that Catra had a tendency to panic and shutdown over things that were unfamiliar to her. Bringing something like having kids up to her out of the blue...it wasn't the best idea. Especially as she didn't exactly have any strong parental figures growing up. Shadow Weaver was an abuser and a manipulator, not a mother to Catra.

 

Adora sighed. How had she not thought of these things before?

 

“Catra? Are...are you alright?”

 

She made an unconvincing “Mmph” sound, before Adora heard the shower water start to run, and most definitely, Catra close the shower door.

 

Over the loud spurt of water, she shouted, “Just...having a shower!”

 

The voice still didn't sound like the usual Catra. It didn't sound like _Adora's_ Catra.

 

“Is, uh, the door locked?” Adora asked, loud enough not to be dismissed and drowned out by the sound of the water.

 

The reply was delayed.

 

“No.”

 

It was short, it was blunt, it screamed 'leave me alone’. But Adora never cared to follow the rules when it came to Catra.

 

Almost cautiously, Adora opened the door, slipping of her matching robe, and letting it fall to the floor. Opening the shower door, Catra stood there, water glistening over her body, hair wet and body shaking.

 

But the shower wasn't cold, in fact, it was quite the opposite.

 

“Oh, Catra,” Adora whispered, finally stepping in and stopping the steam from escaping. She wrapped her hands around Catra's waist, and put her mouth close to her ear, making soothing “shh” sounds.

 

“I'm sorry what I said, just remember I'm always here for you, ok? I love you babe.”

 

The shaking subsided.

 

Catra didn't say a word. Adora didn't mind.

After that, the two showered in silence, tension still thick.

 

Needless to say, Adora had no intentions in bringing it up again for a while.

 

But it remained a prominent thought.

 

What if she didn't want to have a baby with Adora?

What if she didn't love Adora as much as she said she did?

 

No, Adora knew that wasn't the case. But thoughts like that inevitably popped up every once in a while.

 

For Catra, after that night, it was all she thought of. Day, night. Work, home. All. The. Time.

 

This continued for nearly a month, when finally, Catra exploded.

 

***

 

Ironically, this outburst had occurred right after having finished another round of sex. However this time, they were fully clothed, and in a _car_.

 

The couple had gone out on a date for the first time in a while, and of course, it was impossible Adora had thought she could look the way she did in that _godly_ tight red dress and not expect Catra to _wait_ until they got home.

 

Which is why the two sweaty lovers were laying down, Adora practically on top of Catra, in the back seats, with her button up shirt only half done.

 

“I've been thinking about what you said,” Catra blurted out almost immediately after they had just collapsed onto each other.

 

Adora looked up. “I say a lot of things Catra, you've gotta be at least a little more specific.”

 

“The baby,” she muttered quickly.

 

“Oh. Yeah, that.

 

Catra, I'm sorry for ever bringing it up, I should of been more considerate about it, like, I know that me saying that must've been a bit too- like we aren't even a year in yet and- I don't know, I'm just _, I'm sorry_ Catra.”

 

Catra's brow furrowed. “No, no, _I'm_ sorry, I'm the one who fucked up.”

 

“It wasn't your fault, the anxiety attack was because of what _I_ said.” Adora avoided looking into Catra's eyes.

 

Catra scoffed, then brushed a stray hair from Adora's face.

 

“My anxiety attacks happen when someone _looks_ at me funny sometimes, Adora, it's not your fault, it's my stupid brain. And it was my stupid brain who overthought what you said for nearly a _month_ , and it was my stupid brain who was scared shitless to bring it up again.”

 

“Don't be scared, you know you can always talk to me, or your therapist, or both. But please _don't_ bottle it up,” she pressed a chaste kiss onto Catra's collar bone, then locked eyes with the other girl, ocean blue eyes piercing into mismatched ones.

 

“Okay,” Catra breathed, kissing Adora in return, this time on the forehead. “I'm scared though.”

 

“Scared of what?”

 

“That I'll be a shit mom, and that I'll be like Shadow Weaver, that I'll mess them up and they'll be just a fucked as me-”

 

“No.” Adora caressed her cheek with the hand that wrapped around Catra's waist.

 

“You are nothing like that spiteful _bitch._ You are kind, and loving, with a great sense of humour and a great sense of self.

 

I trust you with my life, and I would trust you with with a child's life because you've experienced how it feels to be treated badly, and you'd _never_ do that to your child. To _our_ child. I know you wouldn't. So please, don't _ever_ say something like that again.”

 

A moment of silence passed.

 

Then, Catra smiled. “You really do love me, ya big dork.”

 

Adora smiled back, “I love you more than anything.”

 

The two decided it'd be best to talk about the future of having kids _not_ in the back of your car after sex. Hence, they fixed their clothes to look more presentable and less disheveled and drove home, sitting in a serene, comforting silence. It was silence that promised that there was more to be said.

 

And there was. Lots more.

 

The next morning, the idea of them having children was _all_ they could talk about.

 

Over breakfast they spoke about nearly everything: whether they preferred a girl or a boy, how Catra would be _Mama_ and Adora would be _Mom,_ how Catra would definitely teach their baby Portuguese, to things such  when they would have the baby, would they have the money for a baby,  _if_ they should even have the baby and who would be the one to carry it.

 

“Personally, I don't want to squeeze a living thing out of my- nope, nope, way too much anxiety involved.”

 

Adora laughed little, before saying, “well I think carrying a baby sounds so... magical.”

 

Catra cackled, “Oh Adora...so idyllic. Well, as long as you're down to, because otherwise the only option left is adoption.”

 

Adora rolled her eyes, “Of course I am! They _have_ to be biological.”

 

Catra grimaced as she thought, “wait...does that mean you have to _fuck_ a guy? I don't wanna watch you fuck a guy!”

 

Now it was Adora's turn to cackle.

 

“No, silly, there's lots of different routes we can go down, and that is _definitely_ not one I'd choose. Didn't your school ever teach you this?”

 

“Maybe, but I skipped to many lessons to know. I was either actually truanting or in internal exclusion _because_ I was skipping classes _._ ”

 

Another eye roll.

 

“Well, we can go see a GP about our options, but we'll most likely need a sperm donor.”

 

Catra nodded, then got up to wash the dishes, while Adora got changed to go to the gym. Some days Catra would join her, but today, she wanted to sit home and enjoy her day off, most likely playing games on her switch and watching too many pointless YouTube videos.

 

Just as she was drying her hands, muscular arms snaked around her waist and familiar lips met her neck.

 

“For the record,” Adora said, still holding onto her, “you're gonna make a great mom.”

 

“I hope so.” Catra hit her arm, “now go be healthy!”

 

Still beaming, Adora picked up her bag and jogged towards the door, and before slamming it shut she called, “will do, and love you!”

 

***

 

When Adora got home, as soon as she saw Catra she burst into tears.

 

Sobbing into her shoulder, Catra asked, “baby, what's wrong?”

 

Adora looked up at her, sniffling and stuttering through her sentence.

 

“It's just...I, th-the car, I nearly-’

 

“What happened? Did some asshole back into it again because I _swear to go-_ ”

 

“No, no,” another sniffle, “it was me, I, I nearly lost control or it, for like a second, and it just- it reminded me of the crash, and I...I thought I was over it but I'm not. That hasn't happened in _years_. I'm useless Catra, how are we supposed to have a child if I can't even drive, what if something happens to it, what if I kill…” Adora couldn't finish her sentence.

 

Catra was getting tearful just listening to her.

 

“No, _querida_ , no, you'd never do that, you don't have it in you.” she cupped Adora's face with both hands, thumb wiping away a straggling tear, “and of course you aren't over it, no one expects you to be. It's _PTSD_ . But just because it is that, doesn't mean your useless, you are far from it. Without you in my life I wouldn't be nearly as grounded. Without you I would never even _consider_ raising a child. You _are_ gonna be a great parent. The best”

 

Catra pulled her into a soft kiss, one that seemed to last an eternity and a split second all at once, one that meant so much, one that said “I love you”, and one that said “you're perfect”.

 

After that, the two lovers decided to get some rest, and Adora fell asleep enveloped by Catra's warmth.

 

***

 

Now, it was nearly two years since that conversation, and the baby was finally here, and Catra couldn't of been more nervous.

 

Thankfully, she didn't have an anxiety attack when Adora had said she was going into labor on one of Sea Hawks boats (why did she agree to get in a fucking _kanoe_ in the first place?) and they got to the hospital just in time.

 

They had thought long and hard about what they wanted to make their son and they settled on the name _Ace._ It would've been unfair to give him a name too normal when his parents were called _Adora_ and _Catra._ Not to mention, it unintentionally also stood for, Adora, Catra, Eternia (their last name) so _Ace_ was perfect.

 

***

 

It had been a couple weeks of mostly sleepless nights, filled with crying, then groaning as one or the other had to get up to tend to the baby.

 

At times, Adora found it hard to even get out of bed because of her depression. Some days uncalled for waves of unmotivation would hit, but Catra always fought back the waves for her, _always_.

 

It wasn't easy for Catra either. Catra _nearly_ had several anxiety attacks in the past couple of weeks, but thanks to Adora, they were all under control. Ace kind of helped too, by being cute, well, at least once he stopped crying.

 

Adora was often mesmerised with how good Catra was with him, speaking to him in mostly Portuguese, singing her childhood favourite songs and _always_ being patient with him. She wasn't a perfect parent, but she really did have a way with children.

 

Adora couldn't've asked for a better wife.  

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! Thank you for reading till the end, hope you enjoyed, kudos and comments are all be appreciated!
> 
> I might not have too many one shots up for a while, as I'm focusing on writing for the big bang (I already feel like I'm behind) but I'll see how it goes. 
> 
> Thank you for the person who requested this, this was actually very fun to write, Catra and Adora as parents is something I never knew I needed until I wrote it myself lmao.
> 
> Also if you'd like to follow me on Tumblr, my username is the exact same, here's the link too:
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bow-woahh


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